I can just imagine housewives trying to hide their onsetting derangement, wearing their heels and pearls, popping pills and downing shots of vodka while attempting to follow "The Good Wife's Guide":
(Note: you can view this hilarious article in full by clicking on the picture above.)
1. Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction. (Oh yes, it's what women live for)
2. Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him. (They left out the part about showing sincerity... while trying not to laugh about the memory of scrubbing the toilet with his toothbrush earlier that day...)
3. Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it. (Right, because she has THRILLING days picking up his dirty socks)
4. Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours. (Nothing much has changed here... men certainly still believe this!)
5. Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home late, or goes out to dinner or other places of entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax. (Yes, definitely DO NOT complain after you've slaved away all day for nothing because he's decided to go out partying it up with the good ol' boys)
6. Don't complain if he's late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he may have gone through that day. (This is my favourite! Hysterical! hahaha)
7. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing, and pleasant voice. (She should definitely not speak in the high-pitched maniacal shrill she hears inside her own head)
8. Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgement or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him. (No right at all. Just because he didn't come home last night and this morning he smells of perfume and has a hickey on his neck is no reason to question his integrity.)
9. A good wife always knows her place. (At the mall with his credit cards trying to fill the emptiness inside!)
Hope you had a laugh!
Have a great Labour Day long weekend!